Adventures in Medical Gaslighting (and How I Survived)
When Doctors Think Your Brain is Being Dramatic
"It's just a headache, get over it," the neurologist said, his dismissive tone hanging in the air like a bad smell in an elevator. I sat there stunned, my body literally paralyzed on one side (ironically, exactly what I'd come to discuss), and couldn't escape that room fast enough. Little did Dr. Dismissive know, I wasn't dealing with your garden-variety brain pain but Hemiplegic Migraine—a rare type that crashes your neurological party with stroke-like symptoms and, fun bonus feature, actually increases your stroke risk! Since that enlightening diagnosis, I've had two actual strokes. Just a headache? I think my brain would like a word with that doctor.
Why Doctors Sometimes Treat You Like You’re Being Dramatic
Unfortunately, my medical gaslighting experience is about as rare as finding a doctor who's on time for appointments. Many migraine patients face similar dismissal, and there are several culprits behind this medical mystery:
Education Deficit: Most neurologists—you know, the BRAIN SPECIALISTS—receive a whopping two hours of training about migraines and headache disorders. TWO HOURS! When you consider that migraine ranks as the second cause of disability worldwide, that's like becoming a car mechanic with just enough training to change windshield wiper fluid.
Compassion Drought: Medical schools apparently skipped the "How Not to Be a Jerk to Suffering Humans" course in the curriculum. Combine this with an overwhelmed healthcare system, and you've got a perfect storm for mishandling complex patients. "You don't fit neatly into my diagnostic box? Must be anxiety! Next patient, please!"
Reality vs. Textbooks: Many doctors expect medical conditions to present exactly like they do in textbooks. But our bodies didn't read those books! Complex medical issues require doctors willing to think outside the box, and unfortunately, many are too busy checking boxes on electronic health records to peek outside of them.
Your Survival Guide to Medical Gaslighting
Ghost that doctor faster than a bad Tinder date. I've found that trying to correct a dismissive doctor is about as effective as explaining TikTok to my grandmother. They often double down on their brilliance. The doctor-patient relationship requires trust, and they just showed you they have none in your experience. Bye, Felicia!
Keep searching for your medical soulmate. As tempting as it is to swear off medical professionals forever after a bad experience, your body will eventually remind you that WebMD isn't a replacement for actual care. One dismissive doctor doesn't mean they're all terrible—keep looking until you find someone you feel comfortable with.
Find your tribe online. When my longtime doctor threw up his hands and essentially said, "Good luck with that whole brain thing!" my online migraine support group became my medical GPS. Fellow sufferers pointed me toward headache specialists who actually, you know, specialized in headaches! Revolutionary concept!
Remember your worth! You deserve care from someone who treats you as a valuable member of your own medical team—not an inconvenient interruption to their golf game. It's completely okay to tell a doctor your expectations. Their reaction tells you everything you need to know about whether they deserve your copay.
Persist like your health depends on it (because it does). Finding doctors who listen leads to treatments that work. Yes, it's an exhausting process that takes time and more trial and error than my attempts at making my grandmother’s Pound Cake, but your quality of life is worth the effort.
The Very Real Cost of Medical Gaslighting
The real tragedy of medical gaslighting isn't just the emotional toll (though being told your very real symptoms are imaginary is a special kind of psychological torture). It's that while you're being dismissed with "normal" test results, your condition could be progressing. By the time someone finally listens, you might be facing a much steeper uphill battle.
So stand your ground, trust your body's signals, and keep searching for the medical professionals who deserve the privilege of helping you heal. Your brain—and the rest of you—will thank you for it.
The Great Medical Gaslighting Phenomenon: It's Not Just a Migraine Thing
While I've been sharing my particular flavor of medical dismissal (with a neurological twist!), let's be real—medical gaslighting is about as exclusive as a public pool in summer. It's everywhere! This isn't just a migraine club that nobody wants a membership to; it's a system-wide epidemic affecting everyone from the "it's probably just anxiety" crowd to the "have you tried losing weight?" collective.
The chronic illness community, though? We're the unwitting platinum members of this terrible club. We've collected so many dismissive doctor comments we could make bingo cards. "It's all in your head" (center square, obviously). "You don't look sick." "Have you tried yoga?" "Maybe if you smiled more..." I've personally been told to "drink more water" for symptoms that later turned out to be stroke-related. Thanks, Doc—I'm sure proper hydration would have prevented my blood vessels from misbehaving!
Have you experienced your own medical gaslighting saga? Been told your debilitating symptoms were "just stress" or "part of getting older"? Had a doctor Google your symptoms right in front of you because they had no clue what was happening? Drop your story in the comments below—misery loves company, especially when that company validates your experience and reminds you that you're not, in fact, imagining things.
And remember, just because someone has MD after their name doesn't mean they know your body better than you do. Sometimes the most important medical degree is the PhD in Your Own Darn Experience that you've earned through living in your body every day. That qualification counts too, even if it doesn't come with a fancy white coat.
A great article on the topic of medical gaslighting. It can be infuriating to have "professionals" invalidate your experience time and time again, and it happens a lot to female-related conditions. Thank you for writing about this!
So many medical problems that 'don't fit the conventional box', and migraines are right up there at the top of that list. I thought your education deficit, compassion drought and reality vs. textbook explainations covered that waterfront pretty well!...unfortunately for patients. The Tinder analogy reminds me that it is kind of like dating. Finding a good match may require a few swipes, and patience. It may not be fair, but it is often reality. Really good five points of advice on staying in the game to find support and get the help you need.